Do you want to be 'organic'?

This is an item I gave at a meeting during my short  but glorious reign as President of the Morrinsville  SeniorNet Computing Group

Dear fellow members

You may be interested to know of a surge of interest from me recently whilst checking my emails. I’d zipped through several run-of-the-mill type emails, such as:

• Diet success story: Wow is me: How I lost 18 kilos in seven days!
• Lottery tickets obtainable from Odobi Gazuna of Um Nanagabondu. Send your money to…
• And the touching: My very dear frend, liz. Thankyou of your plenty kindness from the heart of my bottom…
  

…when I moved on to the next few emails.

There was nothing terribly interesting about this one either, sandwiched between a warning from ‘my bank’ that I must update my account details and security codes, and a personal plea from a persistent lady in Peru. I’d almost deleted it when the word ‘organic’ caught my eye and I skim-read something like, ‘Do you want to be organic?’

I don’t readily admit to being a greeny, because I’m not; I am more of your friendly down-to-earth type, and quite ‘with it’ in fact. So I took another look at it. I mean, what is ‘being organic’ all about anyway?

Now I have to tell you that it was just as well that my GP (doctor) wasn’t around. He’s done well to keep me going this long, with my dicky ticker; wonky blood pressure and problems that I’ve encountered with a few other unmentionable bits and pieces affixed to my person. Upon taking a closer look at said email, I blinked several times to clear my vision. I read it several more times before I realised that I had Made A Mistake. No medical school on earth could have prepared its students to deal with patients suffering from an attack of the elevated sort as I was right then, upon seeing the hyphenated word pulsating on my screen directly in front of me. My GP simply could not have helped.

The word wasn’t actually ‘organic’, and what’s more the letters m, u, l, t, and i preceded the hyphenated word. Just as well I was seated as I’d become hot all over and my legs felt more wobbly than my eyes. I thought that it was only women who had hot flushes like this, but the one I was experiencing was an absolute bobby-dazzler, more so, indeed, when the meaning of the message hit the delayed, senior-citizen section of my brain.

The whole message in fact read:

‘Do you wish to become multi-orgasmic?’

Well!

I clutched at a few nearby papers, and wiped my fevered brow with them. What sort of person sends messages like that to seniors in my state of health, I wondered? A few years earlier, yes; with abilities like that in my arsenal who knows what number cloud I could have been piloting from back then?

I thought for a bit. I realised, of course, that I had to do the sensible thing, and so I deleted it. And that was the end of that.

But this brings me to our meeting… I can be a little hasty at times though, so, my dear fellow members, I was just wondering; has anyone here received the same email and has not yet deleted it, and if so, please could you have a quiet word with me later?

With anticipatory thanks

Your President
Dennis Crompton

Dennis Crompton © 1995
(first published www.denniscrompton.wordpress.com 2013)